Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Scene 1

One of my attempts at creating atmosphere. How do you like it?

The city had long since settled down, lending to the pearly sodium lamps that lined the Raj Path, barely hours earlier shrouded under a diaphanous veil of dust and smoke, a surreal clarity that seemed almost magical to behold; hear closely enough and you could almost hear the silent, murmuring sighs of the evening relapsing into the night. The astral necklace of yellow that embraced the boulevard flickered every now and then as if in silent assent to the hypnotic impression of a sheer capriciousness that the vista seemed to radiate, like the undisturbed, undulating surface of a serene lake that, with the slightest human touch or by the mere indolent descent of a dry, desiccated leaf , would dissolve into a thousand asynchronous ripples, taking away with it, the star speckled skies and the flamboyant moon that found rest and respite in its silvery expanse. The somnolent breeze meandered through the tableau, causing here a torpid feline to curl up closer to its mother, whistling there through the crevices of an improperly barred gate, playing a rhythm of its own with the staccato of the catch striking intermittently against the half fastened bolt. It caressed the trees lining the street with its fingers, the oh so gentle fingers, causing every leaf to revel in its moment of personal attention that it afforded even as the mild rustle of the dried brown umbrage added its own unique tune to the masterful symphony that seemed to permeate the landscape. Indeed, if one were to assume that that moment in space and time was one of the rare trysts when the realms of reality get entangled in the meshes of another more ethereal dimension, and that any moment now it would vanish in a sparkling shower of shimmering magic dust he wouldn't be too far off the mark.

5 comments:

Bhaskar Singh said...

bhai kya likte ho, thoda toh reham kiya karo. At least one line should be there which your followers could understand

Pushkar said...

nicely done, i liked the whole image if the lake, reminded me of india gate...
yet, perhaps paragraphs would have helped...sometimes the words overwhelm you with sheer verbosity..

Amritha R said...

The line "Indeed, if one were to ..... he was wrong" doesn't flow with the next line about the somnolent breeze. Also the idea that a mere indolent descent of a dry dessicated ( also note that dry and dessicated are synonyms and one is redundant here) leaf would destroy the whole scene doesn't add up to the fact the somnolent breeze doesn't do much damage as one were led to believe. Other than that the imagery is brilliant and very "Indian fiction" y. Have you every tried poetry?

jhinujha said...

@ Amritha: thanks. Agree that the one line in between is a bit jarring. Made a small change and sounds Ok now
.
I have tried poetry but most of it are the intellectual property of some body else's for the next 10 years :(
cant make them public,sorry :D

Amritha R said...

Tres bien. When is the next part of the story going to presented when the wicked dark man walks into the scene.. literally? :)