Tuesday, August 7, 2007

The pursuit of happyness

Warning :i am usually a very morose kind of guy when it comes to opening up on the virtual landscape.My greatest emotional outburst yet had once surfaced on the scrapbook of my mom.I realise people want to be in my place ,IITian,Computer Sc.dept people say what more can i want than this orgy of a destiny pple crave for .Its a jackpot of a life isnt it a job ensured ,big Benjamins just round the corner after graduation.But i despise myself everyday i stay in this god forsaken place,everytime i step in the soulless library to read stuff i am supposed to be ,assumed to be proficient at ,every morniing i see the angry sun deceptively cool rising over the architectural bluff thats my hostel ,angry at the break it had to take overnight,all the more seething for revenge over the day.I hate the feel of the ruddy earth that sticks to my soles(pun fully intended) yeilding to my mass so as to accentuate the feeling of lethargy that is me,the cool airconditiooned air of the Computer centre that entices me to pour out myself into this horcrux of the devil.I cant bring myself to like this place even thoughit has now been a year since i settled down here.The pain, the anguish of leaving my parents behind;the fear of taking chrage of my life ;the feeling of relapsing into a coccoon ,the solitary confinement facility in midst of a large number of people who care about your wellbeing as much as they do for ...their hygiene( i agree its a very strnge analogy but if you have stayed in a boy's hostel you would appreciate what i intend to say;D )anyways it is such a sharp fall into the abyss from the time when i lay in the lap of my mother ,my sister as comfortable on the other side, my father watching over us not unlike his ancestors wwho protected their young ones with the ferocity of ...a ferocious animal, while the radiance and security that emanated from the loving care of my parents enveloped us .What bliss what happyness..never thought it would end like this ,none of us did..but it happened all the same.First my sister left for her studies then i did ,just shreds of a oneness torn apart and scattered all over the place.There does seem to be an explanation/reason behind this insanity, something about 'life' and 'everybody has to do it' or that 'you will get over it' but i dont see it rather i refuse to see it.The rationality of this separation would actually make it a science rather than the work of art life actually is....

i'll talk to you later bbye.

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